Manthropology: Sex With A Leatherman

What’s making his bulge so big: A cock ring (one of many types he owns).

What’s in his pockets: A red hankie, a pack of imported brand of cigarettes, a Zippo, receipt from a one-day membership at a sex club, , go-tube of lube, a magnum condom, phone number of another guy he picked up last week (and has left tied up at home since), leather cord for testicle trussing (just in case), cash (no wallet for fear of getting robbed by a trick), Viagra.

What he’s driving: A pickup truck.

Preferred pet: Rottweiler.

What’s on his coffee table: The Complete Tom of Finland Book, Honcho, penis-shaped lighter and the latest copies of the Priape Leather and Northbound Leather catalogues.

What’s under his coffee table: Vanity Fair, Bon Appetit, cheesy cut crystal ashtray from his mother in Buffalo.

What’s in the room with the closed door: You DON’T want to know (but if you do, a leather harness, a leather or rubber sling, numerous leather accessories, an obscene amount of sex toys, an assortment of water and silicone based lubricants, poppers and maybe a saint andrew’s cross)

It’s ironic that even though a Sugar Daddy would probably never want you to call him Daddy, a Leatherman might. I’m not sure exactly how many leathermen like this, or even how one decides who the daddy is, but as usual, I’m sure there’s a finite science to it all. Let’s assume that you want to broaden your horizons a bit and want to pick up a leather guy. Not surprisingly, the best place to do this is at the local leather bar. And trust me; every city has at least one. You can be sure with a little drive-by recon mission. If you see a lot of big fellows in biker caps and in jeans that show major box, then chances are pretty good that you’re in the right place.

Since you may not have an arsenal of leather goods in your closet, it’s probably best to stick with the old Levi’s-and-T-shirt look. The leather bar is definitely not the place to waltz in wearing your latest Ralph Lauren Polo plaid ensemble. Leather bars tend to be a little old and grungy, so wear work boots or other appropriate footwear to keep from scuffing up your new Kenneth Coles. And just because you’re in a leather bar is no reason to forget good accessories. If you can scrounge up a nice old leather wallet and secure it to your jeans with a leather chain, all the better.

The good news is that you probably shouldn’t have any trouble finding a man, since leather bars are definitely cruisey, in a retro sort of way. Order a beer; martinis just won’t do here; and don’t expect a glass. This is not the time to show off your boutique-beer knowledge, or to order anything “Light”. Ditto on anything with lime. Take a few laps around the place to get a feel for it; you’ll have to allow at least a few minutes for your eyes to adjust to the darkness. Most likely, there will be menergy in every nook and cranny of the bar; now it’s up to you to figure out what will turn you on. Once you’ve found your man, place yourself a few feet away, and let him make the first move, since he’s the daddy tonight.

Expect the conversation to be minimal; you could be on your way home in just a few minutes. Your Leather Daddy will want to take you to his place, which is probably where you’ll want to go anyway, to see what other leather lure he may have. Always take your own car; if not, make sure you’ve got cab fare in case you need to make a quick exit. Expect to get down to business pretty quickly. Your leather lover may have lots of toys like cock rings leather straps to wrap around his “stuff”, maybe a few piercings or brands. Let him take the lead. When he tells you to go down on him, do it, and enjoy the fresh leather smell (not unlike the interior of that new Lexus that you last Sugar Daddy had).

Also keep in mind that most Leathermen don’t wear antiperspirant, preferring a deep manly-man scent. That mixed with the aroma of leather could be a whole new ball game for you, so make the most of it. Don’t forget lots of not-so-gentle tugs and pulls on all of his body paraphernalia; it wouldn’t be there if he didn’t want you to play with it. Also, try things like dick-whipping and love taps on his tush. He’ll probably be a little rough with you as well. Don’t get squeamish; if you wanted bland sex you wouldn’t have pursued a Leatherman; and also be prepared to go all the way with “full sex”. Again, since he’s the daddy, he’ll likely want to pop your cherry so make sure you’re ready for it and when you make that explosive noise when you orgasm, direct it from your gut and shape it into more of a growling satisfaction: he’ll love that. He’ll probably prefer to fall asleep with your love spunk all over his stomach.

I recommend not staying overnight as you may wake up in leather restraints with a foreign object entering your body again; much like the night before.

Hot, sweaty sex potential: (With all that leather and lust flying, how could it not be?)

 

Getting some real estate out of the deal potential: (Forget it, and even if you did, it would not be in the gilded postal code you’re looking for).

 

Long-term relationship potential: (If the sex really turns you on, and he has a decent day job, then go for it).

 

Good stories to tell your friends over brunch potential: (If your friends are less adventurous than you are, it might be a good idea to leave out the part about the handprints he left on your ass).

 

Possible bonus points: Good experience for your repertoire, maybe a little leather toy to take home with you, easy access for repeat performances.

The Difference Between a Leatherman and a Bear

Leather bars not only attract those Tom of Finland types that we used to fantasize about as kids; they also attract a sort of subspecies: the Bear. The Bear shares a few of the attributes of the Leatherman, but often adds quite a few to them. These tips will help you figure out which side of the bar you’ll want to hang out in.

Leatherman vs. Bear

Cut vs. Cushy
190 vs. 290
Sheared vs. Shaggy
Six-pack under jacket vs. Six-pack under front seat
Hot ‘n’ Horny vs Hot ‘n’ Sweaty
Studs vs. Spuds
Strong biceps vs. Strong bifocals
Dangerous curves vs. Wide load
Overnight male vs. Extra postage required
Packs a whopper vs. Packs a family meal

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