Manthropology: Sex With A Couple

What’s making their bulges so big: The desire to get off with someone else other than each other. 

What’s on their coffee table: Decorative items, coasters.

What’s under their coffee table: Board games for social mixers with other couples, porn (videos and magazines).

What’s in their wallets: Businss cards, charge cards, pictures of each other and their pets, condoms for random consented hook-ups with other guys.

What’s under their bed: More porn, sex toys used on the last guy they had over, extra set of sheets and guest linens.

Family tree: “We’re exploring”

With all of these “open relationships” around, this seems to be happening a lot more than I thought, so I figured I’d better include it in the Manthropology Guide. Other then at a club night, your best chance of hooking up with a hot and horny couple is at a regular cocktail party. Get yourself invited to one that is being hosted by a couple, and you can be sure the place will be crawling with other couples. As the liquor consumption increases, so do your odds of ending up in a three-way. Work the room and you might be lucky enough to score.

They’ll want to take you to their place which is likely to have an enormous bed anyway, so you might as well enjoy it. Once you’re inside, the clothes will come off pretty quickly since everyone present already knows it’s just about the sex. Rule number one: you are going to be more attracted to one of the guys than the other, but you can’t play favorites. If you don’t think you can do this, then keep your eyes closed. That way, you won’t know whose mouth is massaging Mr. Happy, and better yet; you won’t care. Chances are they will treat you like visiting royalty so be prepared for lots of manual, oral, and anal action; often, all at the same time. After a while you won’t know who’s doing what to whom and they’ll be so many condoms on the floor afterward walking to the bathroom will be like walking your way through a mine field.

Sex with a couple will test your versatility title as you know they’ll either a top and bottom or both versatile and will both want to play with you. You not only want to tantalize them with your technique and dazzle them with your diligence, you also want to let them know that you and Little Elvis are up for just about anything they can serve.

Post sex, there is usually no need for you to do anything since they will assume their hosting duties. There will be two of them to handle the warm, wet towel action, condom disposal and some more water for you to rehydrate. I generally don’t recommend a sleepover with couples since you never know what kind of drama might break out in the morning. But if they ask you to stay, and you think you want to, don’t just flop down in the middle; let them decide who goes where and don’t be surprised when you wake up with two boners poking around your booty.

Hot, sweaty sex potential: (More bodies, more heat, more sweat.)

Getting some real estate out of the deal potential: (Very low, but you may snag an invitation to their vacation house for a repeater)

Long-term relationship potential: (A LTR with a couple is something completely different; it’s usually known by the more pedestrian term “House Boy”)

Good stories to tell your friends over brunch potential: (If they’re not copping an attitude, they’ll be pitching tents under the table)

Possible bonus points: Picking up decorating tips from the couple, and knowing you could finally write your own piece for a porno magazine.


Dating Boot Camp: Tip #3: Find New Love By Closing Old Wounds

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last 

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life

Tip #3: Find New Love By Closing Old Wounds.
Reaching the Golden Age of Dating

Many years ago, a friend  relished in his ability to cite the most fabulous of historical monarchs, Elizabeth I. It’s said that the young queen harbored in the Golden Age of British prosperity. Even so, she lost her personal war on love.

“I am married to England,” Elizabeth declared in herring defiance to the miscreant Sir Robert Dudley. She risked her crown for her adorer. He, in return, broke her heart by plotting against her life. She kept him alive despite his treason as a constant reminder of how close she came to danger—declaring her independence from the like of any man. Her primary concern became matters she could control, not unpredictable men.

Modern day love isn’t quite as melodramatic, but my friend had experienced his fare share of no good Dudley’s. His dates always started out with excitement and ended in complete anarchy. Some mini-relationships lasted a few hours, other weeks until they suddenly ended with him left alone in a tower of loneliness and regret. He began dating with extreme caution, assuming that every man would inevitably break his heart.

It’s understandable: Why would he surrender to the monstrous dating scene? He’d been hurt so many times. The crown of his heart proved to be much more fragile than one of a kingdom. Instead of harboring in a new age of love, he wallowed in his lost opportunities.

There needed to be a change if he was ever to break the cycle. In order to make room for better love, he had to free his crowded perceptions.

Far too many of us take the bitter queen approach to love. You see, the mistake Elizabeth made was keeping Lord Robert alive. We too keep our old failures alive in the form of resentment, anger, bitterness and mistrust. And holding on to past failures leaves little room for future possibilities. Our crown jewels don’t always have to be protected in order for us to be fully appreciated by other people. Each opportunity must be approached with a clean bully of possibilities.

Sour subjects exist in every realm of dating potentials. And most of us, at some point or another, have fallen victim to their folly. But better, more affirmative people await our approach. Only by sending old wounds to the gallows can we harbor in a new, more prosperous golden age of dating.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Dating Boot Camp: Tip #1: Cosmic Loneliness

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life.

Tip #1: Cosmic Loneliness
A Man Won’t Cure The Loneliness

In Their Eyes Were Watching God, author Zora Neale Hurston asks, “Did marriage end the cosmic loneliness of the unmated?”

The quick answer is no. As is the theme of Hurston’s classic, any one person’s wholeness is affected by, but not fulfilled through, a relationship. Many of us are of the notion that finding a relationship will complete us. However, despite what our math teacher taught, a half plus a half doesn’t always equal a whole. It takes two complete people to produce the sum of a healthy partnership (or each person needs to be as complete as possible).

They say you must first love yourself before you can be loved or love another. Part of loving yourself is being able to tolerate and enjoy spending time with yourself. Entering into a relationship as a remedy for loneliness or any other need puts undo pressure on your partner and your relationship when it’s you that must actively work to resolve your needs. The relationship may solve your immediate wants, but the issues surrounding your longings will only resurface until you resolve them.

Should we all be content living alone? Of course not. Companionship is a wonderful addition to our lives. We’re human after all. The ideal situation, however, is to allow companionship to compliment our lives and not become a substitute for what’s missing. A partner won’t cure the loneliness.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Manthropology: Sex With A Gym Natzi

What’s making his bulge so big: Packet of protein powder.

What’s in his gym bag: MP3 player, at least nine phone numbers of guys he’s met at the gym, extra set of workout clothes, self-tanner, razor for body-shave touch-ups, velcro weight belt, GNC Gold Card, empty water bottles, PowerBars, creatine, 2-in-1 shampoo and body wash.

What’s on his coffee table: Men’s Health Magazine, Flex, GQ, International Male catalog, low-carb snacks.

What’s under his coffee table: Two twenty-five pound dumbbells, grip flexors, two pairs of dirty socks (which double as cum rags for autoerotic sofa sessions)

What’s in his fridge: Five-pound pack of chicken breasts, rice, skim milk, light beer and pre-portioned meals.

What’s in his wallet: Seven dollers, business card of a “photographer” he met at the gym who asked him for pose for a calendar, membership card to after-hours dance club, more phone numbers of guys he met at the gym, key card for parking garage of a law firm he works as an assistant for.

What’s under his bed: More Men’s Health Magazine, old work-out posters, the shirt he plans to fill out completely before wearing it dancing.

Family tree: Shy guy, pouty pouf and silent stud

The Gym Natzi (GN) spends just about all of his spare time sculpting his ever-more-fabulous body, so it goes without saying that the place to meet one is at the gym, or at the nearby protein shake bar. The pickup may be a little tough, since it will be hard to get him to take his eyes off of himself long enough to notice you. And whenever you think you’re having a mirror scope, you can bet your bottom doller he’s not looking at you. He’s just checking out his traps from a different angle.

The only way to get time is to ask him for some assistance with an excercise or a machine you undoubtly already know how to use. You can also try asking if he’ll spot for you, or if you can share his set. But you’d better be buff enough to warrant his attention; otherwise he’ll just lumber on past. If you really want to lay it on thick, try opening with a compliment on some well-developed but little-known muscle he’s cultivated:
You: “Hey, you’ve got awesome anterior lattisimus rear deltoids man. How do you target those?”
GN: “Um with dumbbells.”
You can see where this is headed. The average GN is not known for his conversational skills, although if you stick with excercise talk, you’ve got a good shot for at least five more sentances from him. Don’t be offended if he constantly turns away from you to look at himself in the mirror while you are speaking. That’s just what GN’s do. If you’re looking for action right then and there, invite him for a postworkout protein shake, then cut to the chase.

You’ve maneuvered him back to your place, you’ve offered him a PowerBar, and it’s time to get down to action. Since the GN is used to being worshipped from afar, you’re going to have to make the first move. I recommend opening with a little postworkout massage action. He takes the bait, and you’re off. The thing about Gym Natzi sex is that it’s really about the visuals; sort of like watching a porno, just a little more up close and personal, and you happen to be starring in it. Knowing this, your best bet is to go for a quick linear progression: some manual action, then a little oral expertise, and finish with deep sea diving. Remember to keep your eyes on him the whole time since thats the reason you dragged him back to your place in the first place. And since you’ll be running into him at the gym again, be polite and at least ask for his phone number, even though you know damn well that you’ll never call. Then send him and his oversize gym bag packing.

Hot, sweaty sex potential: Unless he really gets into it the GN will most likely just enjoy the attention his body got for him.


Getting some real estate out of the deal potential: Zero (0). No need for an explanation on this point.

Long-term relationship potential: (That is, if you are in-shape and if you consider showing him off to your friends for a few months long-term. Never forget, gain an ounce of fat and he’ll be yesterday’s news as well)


Good stories to tell your friends over brunch potential: (It’s more about the notch on your weight belt than the actual sex)


Possible bonus points: Scamming some free personal training sessions out of him; your friends will be green with envy.

Have you ever hooked up with a guy from the gym? Write in to Gossip Guy at to share your story.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

How Do I Deal With A Hook-Up?

After sex, how do I make sure he understands it was a hook-up?

Dear Gossip Guy,

Here’s the deal: While I was out this past weekend, and I met this guy at the grocery store. That night, we bumped into each other at the local bar, had a couple of drinks, went back to his place and had great sex. Period. End of story. Or so I thought.

 As I was leaving, he asked me for my number so that we could “get together again.” I thought he understood this was a one-night stand. I just said, “I’ll see you when I see you.” I felt like I didn¹t handle the situation properly, but did I do anything wrong?

Bumbling Bee

Dear Bumbling Bee,

Not really, no. It just sounds like one or both of you could have been more explicit ahead of time. But it’s a tricky situation.

Unless you’re having sex at a club or in a backroom, it’s easy to misunderstand what another person’s intentions are. Then, in the throes of passion, it may not feel quite right to say, “I only want to have sex with you and then you’ve got to go.”

But what about saying something direct like this before your clothes are shed: “I need to be asleep in an hour because my roommate will be back from dancing” or even, “I’m just looking for a quickie tonight.” If he’s looking for something more than a quick hook-up, he’ll know to look elsewhere.

Once the deed is done, it’s wise to avoid getting into a lot of post-coital chitchat since that could lead your guest to think you’re extending his invitation. Instead, offer him a glass of water, the use of the bathroom, and then start to tidy up.

If he’s not taking the hint, you could say after a short while: “Hey, thanks for coming over.”  That’s definitely a cue that it’s time to exit. As for guests, be sure not overstay your welcome and when you leave, be sure to take all your belongings. A non-committal goodbye sounds like, “That was fun,” with a parting hug.

And if your guest expresses interest in getting together again (as yours did), be gentle and say: “Sorry, I’m not looking to date right now.”  Of course, if you’ve changed your mind, exchange cell numbers – or invite him to stay for breakfast.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me –xoxo

How do you make sure you’re on the same page before you have a sex hook-up? What problems have you encountered? Email me at or let me know in the comments section below.

Manthropology: Sex With A Do-Me Queen

What’s making his bulge so big:
It’s all him, and he’s not afraid to show it off.

What’s in his pockets: A magnum condom, sunglasses for the morning after walk of shame, cock ring, and a pocket toothbrush.

What’s in his wallet: Membership card to a sex club, membership card to an after-hours club, gym membership card, business card from a taxi service, prescription for Kwell lotion and a phone number or address of his last trick.

What’s he driving: Any kind of 4-Wheeler, usually a Jeep

What’s on his coffee table: Empty cigarette packs, match books from various clubs, empty condom wrappers (they never made it to the bedroom), and a bar napkin with some guy’s name on it.

Family tree: Silent Stud, One-Night Wonder, Circuit Queen, Body Natzis, Brian Kinney (QAF).

The Do-Me Queen (DMQ) will have both a great body and a large personal unit. Armed as such, the DMQ is truly and totally conceited (at least in bed), and as long as gay men worship large units, he will get away with it.Nonetheless, adding one to your list of bedmates is something you should do once. You may never want it again, but at least you can say you’ve been there, and done that.

Like Starbucks, DMQ’s can be found on just about any corner in gay civilization, and you can be sure he will be showing off his goods. He’s the one with the skimpiest shorts at the gym, the one standing right under the brightest spotlight at the bar, the guy that made stock in spandex a great investment. Once you’ve found him, picking him up shouldn’t be too hard since the DMQ is usually quite eager to let everyone know what size shoe he wears. The only hard part will be fighting off all of the other size queens circling him like sharks. Any opening will do to catch his attention, I recommend the direct approach.

Your place or his is fine. Since he normally scores a lot, his bedroom will be well-appointed with any high quality sexnology paraphernalia you may need. Once you get him into bed, the DMQ will do what he does best: lie down on his back and cross his arms behind his head. This not only makes his upper pecs, bis, traps and abs ripple to perfection, but also makes it clear that he will not be doing much to make your toes tingle. You knew this going in, so get over it.

Your encounter with the DMQ will be all about the visuals, so feast your eyes while you can; it’s also a good chance for you to practice your best oral action on a larger unit. The DMQ will probably want to go on to full sex with you, and he’ll be really good at it, since he’s been around the block a few times. Just don’t be offended if he spends more time watching himself instead of looking deeply into your eyes.

Once the deed is done, grab a quick shower to freshen up, then clear out. You’ll probably pass someone else on the way up as you head down the stairs.

Hot, sweaty sex potential: (Even thought it’s all about him, the full-sex part may amp up the sweat factor.)

Getting some real estate out of the deal potential:

Long-term relationship potential:

Good stories to tell your friends over brunch potential:

Possible bonus points: Steal his extra large cock ring as a trophy.

Should We Have Sex Yet? Negotiating Your First Time With Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful…

At what point does a dating relationship turn sexual if you’re looking for a lasting relationship?

The reader posing this question (who wishes to keep his name and precise wording confidential) goes on to say that in his experience, sex too soon in a dating relationship seemed to make the connection all about sex, while waiting for an extended period of time resulted in men perceiving him as a “tease” or being uninterested in them for anything but just friendship.

So what’s a guy to do? When is the right time to have sex so as not to sabotage the development of a potentially healthy relationship with a compatible dating prospect?

Well, the long and the short of it is that there is no right time! There’s no science or magic formula to negotiating the right time to be sexual to guarantee lasting success. There are no guarantees in relationships.

What it boils down to is each individual’s readiness and comfort level with taking things to that next step and keeping the channels of communication open.

So while there’s no hard, fast rule, this article will offer some tips and questions for reflection for you to decide when the time is right for you to take things to the “bedroom level.” Through this content, perhaps you will discover some factors that might promote the opportunity for success of a long-term relationship that you can integrate into your own dating plan and sexual decision-making practices.

Sex & Gay Dating

Sex is obviously a very important part of a relationship. In gay dating, sex actually plays a vital developmental role in helping a man to explore his sexuality during the coming-out process and forming his identity as a gay man; it’s a healthy rite-of-passage. Sex plays other roles though in gay culture. Its purpose can be for: *pure recreational fun *tension release *a thrill for conquest *a rebellion against heterosexist norms *an uncontrollable addiction *a way to boost one’s self-esteem *a mask for emotional problems *a temporary cure for boredom or loneliness *horniness gratification *a vehicle for avoiding emotional intimacy…among others.

For you, as the serious dater seeking Mr. Right, your vision for the primary purpose of sex is as an expression of your feelings of adoration for one another, cementing a bond of closeness and connection as you begin to seal an identity as a couple with the intention of life-long commitment. Your job is to adequately screen your dating partners to determine if their vision for sexuality and life aligns with yours. It’s when there’s a mismatch between these visions or differing motives from the purposes above that leads to relationships ending before they even got started when sex enters the picture early on.

Knowing Thyself

Before you even begin your dating adventures, you must have a solid vision in place of what and who you’re looking for. What are your personal requirements, needs, and wants for a life partner and a relationship? What does dating mean to you and what does it look like? What are your sexual values and attitudes? The answers to these questions become your guide for detecting the “right” vs. the “wrong” types of guys you’re seeking.

Sex is so glamorized in our gay culture that the pressure to succumb to its powerful influences can be overwhelming. That’s why you must have a plan in place before you date so you can more readily “stick to your guns” and not be swayed by temptations or other forces. Knowing yourself and your values is key. Your beliefs about the role you want sex to play in your dating life will shape your behavior as such.

Meeting Mr. Wonderful…Now What?!

It’s hard work creating your own vision, but then to assess another guy’s vision for compatibility is another feat that’s not easily accomplished in one or two dates. It’s a process. That’s why introducing sex too early into a dating relationship can be sabotaging because the relationship gets defined around sex before a foundation of trust and intimacy has been established. This isn’t to say that meaningful relationships can’t evolve from a sex-based affiliation, but in a lot of cases premature sex can send the wrong message or tone that then permeates the entire relationship—and it can be irreversible. Not to mention determining your new guy’s sexual values and motives discussed earlier may not be so easily detectable in the early stages of dating. And finally, once you have sex, all objectivity can go flying right out the window and that can make screening your new lover’s true compatibility with your vision that much more blurred and obscure.

Most gay dating experts agree that a wise approach for those seeking long-term relationships is to hold off on sex for at least 3-4 dates with a man. This allows time for a friendship to develop, to screen each other to the best you can for “goodness-of-fit”, and lets the relationship be defined around common interests, goals, and mature companionship—enduring qualities that highlight successful relationships. Sex alone is not sufficient to carry a lasting partnership. You’ll also be able to tell in a lot of cases whether the man is genuinely interested in you or if he’s solely after sex or gratification of other motives. Once you have sex, it changes the dynamics, so it’s important to pace the relationship.