Manthropology: Sex With A Couple

What’s making their bulges so big: The desire to get off with someone else other than each other. 

What’s on their coffee table: Decorative items, coasters.

What’s under their coffee table: Board games for social mixers with other couples, porn (videos and magazines).

What’s in their wallets: Businss cards, charge cards, pictures of each other and their pets, condoms for random consented hook-ups with other guys.

What’s under their bed: More porn, sex toys used on the last guy they had over, extra set of sheets and guest linens.

Family tree: “We’re exploring”

With all of these “open relationships” around, this seems to be happening a lot more than I thought, so I figured I’d better include it in the Manthropology Guide. Other then at a club night, your best chance of hooking up with a hot and horny couple is at a regular cocktail party. Get yourself invited to one that is being hosted by a couple, and you can be sure the place will be crawling with other couples. As the liquor consumption increases, so do your odds of ending up in a three-way. Work the room and you might be lucky enough to score.

They’ll want to take you to their place which is likely to have an enormous bed anyway, so you might as well enjoy it. Once you’re inside, the clothes will come off pretty quickly since everyone present already knows it’s just about the sex. Rule number one: you are going to be more attracted to one of the guys than the other, but you can’t play favorites. If you don’t think you can do this, then keep your eyes closed. That way, you won’t know whose mouth is massaging Mr. Happy, and better yet; you won’t care. Chances are they will treat you like visiting royalty so be prepared for lots of manual, oral, and anal action; often, all at the same time. After a while you won’t know who’s doing what to whom and they’ll be so many condoms on the floor afterward walking to the bathroom will be like walking your way through a mine field.

Sex with a couple will test your versatility title as you know they’ll either a top and bottom or both versatile and will both want to play with you. You not only want to tantalize them with your technique and dazzle them with your diligence, you also want to let them know that you and Little Elvis are up for just about anything they can serve.

Post sex, there is usually no need for you to do anything since they will assume their hosting duties. There will be two of them to handle the warm, wet towel action, condom disposal and some more water for you to rehydrate. I generally don’t recommend a sleepover with couples since you never know what kind of drama might break out in the morning. But if they ask you to stay, and you think you want to, don’t just flop down in the middle; let them decide who goes where and don’t be surprised when you wake up with two boners poking around your booty.

Hot, sweaty sex potential: (More bodies, more heat, more sweat.)

Getting some real estate out of the deal potential: (Very low, but you may snag an invitation to their vacation house for a repeater)

Long-term relationship potential: (A LTR with a couple is something completely different; it’s usually known by the more pedestrian term “House Boy”)

Good stories to tell your friends over brunch potential: (If they’re not copping an attitude, they’ll be pitching tents under the table)

Possible bonus points: Picking up decorating tips from the couple, and knowing you could finally write your own piece for a porno magazine.

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Dating Boot Camp: Tip #3: Find New Love By Closing Old Wounds

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last 

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life

Tip #3: Find New Love By Closing Old Wounds.
Reaching the Golden Age of Dating

Many years ago, a friend  relished in his ability to cite the most fabulous of historical monarchs, Elizabeth I. It’s said that the young queen harbored in the Golden Age of British prosperity. Even so, she lost her personal war on love.

“I am married to England,” Elizabeth declared in herring defiance to the miscreant Sir Robert Dudley. She risked her crown for her adorer. He, in return, broke her heart by plotting against her life. She kept him alive despite his treason as a constant reminder of how close she came to danger—declaring her independence from the like of any man. Her primary concern became matters she could control, not unpredictable men.

Modern day love isn’t quite as melodramatic, but my friend had experienced his fare share of no good Dudley’s. His dates always started out with excitement and ended in complete anarchy. Some mini-relationships lasted a few hours, other weeks until they suddenly ended with him left alone in a tower of loneliness and regret. He began dating with extreme caution, assuming that every man would inevitably break his heart.

It’s understandable: Why would he surrender to the monstrous dating scene? He’d been hurt so many times. The crown of his heart proved to be much more fragile than one of a kingdom. Instead of harboring in a new age of love, he wallowed in his lost opportunities.

There needed to be a change if he was ever to break the cycle. In order to make room for better love, he had to free his crowded perceptions.

Far too many of us take the bitter queen approach to love. You see, the mistake Elizabeth made was keeping Lord Robert alive. We too keep our old failures alive in the form of resentment, anger, bitterness and mistrust. And holding on to past failures leaves little room for future possibilities. Our crown jewels don’t always have to be protected in order for us to be fully appreciated by other people. Each opportunity must be approached with a clean bully of possibilities.

Sour subjects exist in every realm of dating potentials. And most of us, at some point or another, have fallen victim to their folly. But better, more affirmative people await our approach. Only by sending old wounds to the gallows can we harbor in a new, more prosperous golden age of dating.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Dating Boot Camp: Tip #1: Cosmic Loneliness

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life.

Tip #1: Cosmic Loneliness
A Man Won’t Cure The Loneliness

In Their Eyes Were Watching God, author Zora Neale Hurston asks, “Did marriage end the cosmic loneliness of the unmated?”

The quick answer is no. As is the theme of Hurston’s classic, any one person’s wholeness is affected by, but not fulfilled through, a relationship. Many of us are of the notion that finding a relationship will complete us. However, despite what our math teacher taught, a half plus a half doesn’t always equal a whole. It takes two complete people to produce the sum of a healthy partnership (or each person needs to be as complete as possible).

They say you must first love yourself before you can be loved or love another. Part of loving yourself is being able to tolerate and enjoy spending time with yourself. Entering into a relationship as a remedy for loneliness or any other need puts undo pressure on your partner and your relationship when it’s you that must actively work to resolve your needs. The relationship may solve your immediate wants, but the issues surrounding your longings will only resurface until you resolve them.

Should we all be content living alone? Of course not. Companionship is a wonderful addition to our lives. We’re human after all. The ideal situation, however, is to allow companionship to compliment our lives and not become a substitute for what’s missing. A partner won’t cure the loneliness.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Happy New Years: Top 10 Tips For Better Sex

I thought that since a new year is upon us (how were those hangovers kids?) that I would start it off with something a little spicier then usual; some advice for behind closed doors (open for some of you naughtier kids).

A good sex life takes time and effort to maintain. It won’t always be easy — our busy lives are taxing and often leave us tired and devoid of the imagination and motivation required to keep up the pace. Having good sex doesn’t necessarily mean spending hours and hours of frolicking; it can be as simple as doing something a little different just for a change.

Therefore, it’s important to add a few more stimulating aspects to your sex life to keep things interesting.

Here are Gossip Guy’s top 10 tips for better sex, which should keep the two of you hot for some time to come.

No.10 Blindfold Them

Sexual pleasure has many dimensions, but the most important sexual organ we have is our brain. When one sense is hindered, our other senses — via the brain — clamor to compensate. For example, a deaf person has increased sensory awareness — sight, smell, touch, and vibrations.

For our No. 10 entry on our top 10 tips for better sex, we’re telling you that you can tap into this innate ability of ours and use it to your advantage. Blindfolding your partner increases their sensory awareness. They don’t know where you are or what you are going to do next. This creates anticipation for better sex — the tease. Tease mercilessly with sensory objects, such as a feather or your tongue. Start off softly, as this excites nerve endings and makes them far more sensitive. Be careful not to over stimulate the nerve endings, however, because after a while the neurons stop firing with such intensity and the sensation becomes null and void.

No.9 Give Them Instructions

After a while you may think you know how to please your partner in every way, but this is very rarely true. There is always something you haven’t tried, and there is bound to be something one of you always does that could be done differently.

To combat this for better sex, have a lesson session in which you don’t think you know it all, and are at each others’ mercy as teacher. Talk about things you haven’t tried, but would like to, then choose one suggestion from each partner, and get down and dirty. We often get caught thinking we know what our partners like, and after a while it becomes “the way it’s done.” Lose this sex myth and put yourself in the student’s chair for a while to achieve better sex.

No.8 Massage

Sensual touch is one of the most highly relaxing and sexy things you can do for your partner. Our bodies are almost without exception tense in some area, if not many areas. This hinders our energy flow — including sexual energy flow. Imagine a car that has a clogged fuel filter: The fuel (our energy) can’t get to where it needs to go quickly and smoothly, and the car performs inefficiently.

A relaxing, sensual massage can unlock the body to some very intense orgasms and much better sex in the end. The ability to relax your partner in this way should be high on your list of skills to master. The same goes for them: The difference between a deeply relaxing massage and a sensual massage is in the manner of touch — you don’t want to relax them too deeply because they will probably fall straight to sleep.

The key to better sex in this case is to keep the senses alert, but the body relaxed. This means a firm touch, coupled with some sensory feather light caresses. Once you’ve relaxed the major muscles — shoulders and back — work your way down to the buttocks. Strokes can then start to wander near to, but not on, her inner thighs, butt crease and endogenous zones. Don’t forget the hands and feet — there are thousands of nerve endings in our hands and feet that are very sensitive to touch. If you have no idea what a good massage feels like or how to perform one, spend some time in “lesson time” with your partner and learn what you both like, or just run your hands all over her body — all over. Don’t skip to the hot spots or you’ll ruin the effect.

No.7 Have Them Dress Up

Pretending to be something you’re not comes easily to some people. However, it has its benefits when done for fun. Stepping out of the role of being “yourself” can be a fun way to give each other permission to behave differently for better sex. Playing the role of someone else during sexual play is a very enjoyable way to give your partner some different sensations. Role playing is a great way to have better sex and to have fun with your partner in a lighthearted but sexy way — but don’t forget that you can play too.

No.6 Tell Them Your Fantasies

Talking about your sexual fantasies with your partner is a very healthy form of sex play. It increases communication with your partner and helps you get to know each other better. Yes, you may be surprised by what comes out of their mouth, but this works both ways. Keep it light at first and don’t throw them in the deep end with fantasies about people you both know or reveal fetishes you aren’t sure about. Sit back with a glass of wine and keep your clothes on — for now. Fantasy play can also be incorporated into a game for better sex. Use your imagination and keep it sexy. Take it in turns and see where it leads you.

No.5 Play A Game

Get a pack of cards and play strip poker for better sex. It may seem like something you would have done when you were in high school (given the opportunity), but adult strip poker is a good way to get naked. Once you are both naked (or nearly naked), you can start on the really fun part: A loss means the other person gets to choose what action is performed on them by the loser. Time limits like one minute on said action means that it is a prolonged game of seduction, which by the end will have you both clamoring to be both the winner and the loser. There are many other games you can play “strip” to, as long as there is regular winner and loser rewards and punishments. The great part about these games is that you can both ask the other person to do something in a certain way that you may not necessarily have ever done before. It can get rather filthy, and definitely lead to better sex in the end.

No.4 Dirty Talk

Talking dirty has turned people on for decades and will continue to do so because it has something other sex play doesn’t: words. Because our brains are our largest sexual apparatus, we respond to the spoken word automatically — especially when someone says our name. The spoken word evokes emotions, sensations and blood flow to various regions, depending on the topic.

This works very much in your favor when it comes to talking dirty to your lover because people are especially susceptible to what goes in their ears (and I don’t mean cotton buds or ear candles). Talking dirty is, however, an art form and when done badly can result in fits of giggles (which, let’s face it, ain’t so bad but isn’t quite the goal here). Don’t let this deter you.

No.3 Try A New Position

You already know how to make them orgasm in two ways (probably). You repeat these regularly because they work — there’s no harm in that. However, if you never try any new positions, how will you ever know? New positions need a reasonably high level of arousal in your lover, so choose your time to strike a new pose when they are quite obviously feeling very randy.  

There is no limit to the number of ways to have sex, so you can use your imagination and come up with as many weird and wonderful inventions as you desire. Simply changing locations can dramatically change the position, so consider this too (for example, on top of the washing machine, on a bench, beanbag, or table). 

No.2 Use A Cock Ring

Cock rings slow the drain of blood out of your erection, and keep you harder for longer. A very hard penis stimulates slightly differently — and much better — than one that is getting soft around the edges. Cock rings are inexpensive and usually nice to look at, and make an interesting male sex toy to add to your collection. Cock rings ensure that you can maintain the pace without faltering for better sex. This is very pleasing to your sexual friend. 

No.1 Try A New Place

Sex in a new locale is definitely up there in exciting things to do for better sex. You can take a drive somewhere secluded where you can get a bit risqué. Try a public place (not too public), or simply move to a different room or area in your home — or even someone else’s home. Whatever tickles your fancy. There are a million and one different places to have sex other than your home and in your bed — use them.

So what do you do to play it up in the bedroom? Share your sexy tips with Gossip Guy at gossipguy@bell.net or comment in the comments box below.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Why It’s Good To Be Single During The Holidays

When the weather gets colder and the snow starts to fall, many people will be cuddling up with their other half under a warm blanket, sipping on hot chocolate. But if you are flying solo this holiday season, there are plenty advantages to being single this time of year. Less gifts to buy, fewer awkward family dinners and more kissing cute people!

More Gifts You’ll Love…
because you bought them! No partner means no time spent searching the clothing section for holiday briefs and socks. Instead, that money you would dish out buying them a cashmere argyle sweater can be used towards you. For example, how does an iPod sound? Plus, the added stress that comes with finding them the perfect gift will be lifted off your shoulders.

More Time with Your Family and Friends
No awkward dinners at your partner’s parent’s house. You don’t have to worry about the creepy drunk uncle who says you look just like his ex or who won’t stop asking when you are going to adopt babies together. Spend time with people you know and love. Isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

More Fun at the Office Holiday Party
You won’t have to babysit the partner, instead you can let loose with you co-workers. Throw on your sexy gear and matching shoes; who knows, the cute guy/guy in sales could be single too! Mistletoe?

More Eating
Most people dread the thought of gaining those extra five pounds of holiday weight, especially if you have to look like Gisele in your New Years Eve lingerie. This holiday season, eat up! The only opinion that matters is yours and if you love the extra booty, who cares?

Don’t get down if you’re not hooked up during the holidays. It will be an absolutely luxury to be a little more selfish this season. Plus, with all the socializing that comes with Christmas you are bound to meet a multitude of great potential dating partners. It is a whole new kind of holiday shopping: date shopping!

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

The Ups & Downs of Dating a Younger Partner

Would you date someone younger then you?

Have you met the person of your dreams only to find out they are years younger than you?

Dear Gossip Guy,

I recently had the good fortune to meet this fabulous guy who is everything I could want in a man.  He’s smart, extremely sensitive, ambitious, a whole lot of funny and is absolutely adorable.  Not to mention, he can deliver one of the sweetest kisses I’ve been lucky to have ever received.

Sadly, as with any good thing in life, this situation also has an unfortunate circumstance.  He’s six years younger than me!  Now to most this might not seem like much of a problem, except he’s currently 22 and I’m 28.  For us it’s probably not the actual number as much as it is the place in life in which we each find ourselves.  He’s in college, working part-time and having loads of fun on the weekends.  I’m moving towards working at a ‘proper’ job and hope to be happily coupled or even married in the next two years or so.  Could a relationship like this even work?

Feeling Old.

Dear Dinosaur,

As with any relationship there are usually some hurdles to cross when it comes to building a loving relationship. I think what you have failed to mention here is how you two are together, not just how you feel around him. Take a look at the following information; maybe it will help you to make a decision on wheather to make this  a long term or short term relationship by weighing the pros and cons.

The Pros

Carpe Diem and Then Some

Younger people seem to have more spontaneity and seize-the-day mentality than some mildly older folks can dream of.  They can be up for anything on a moment’s notice, which can also mean that sometimes they may be more romantic.  Wouldn’t you like to be whisked away on a romantic getaway?  This impulsive attitude means trying a whole lot of new things and breaking out of your comfort zone.  Carpe Diem!

Smith and Samantha

Younger people tend to be more open to stronger personalities.  You are fabulous with your happening career, your very own hip apartment and that expensive bling you take out for special occasions.  The partner, on the other hand, may be living with four other people in a matchbox downtown or on residence, but they are totally happy with all that.  I’ve noticed that younger people are absolutely comfortable with an independent partner.  All of us who see ourselves as more of a Samantha than a Charlotte can now rejoice.  Younger people tend to get the reality of what we are truly like in society today; they have a mind of their own.

Like a Duracell Battery

Are younger partners really that great in bed?  Well for what its worth, friends have said that the answer is yes.  They have more energy and passion and, more importantly, they are up to trying new things and learning from you.  After all, most likely, you would be the one with more experience here.  Many people I know today want an uncomplicated relationship with a lot of fun, passion and sexual chemistry.

The Cons

Before Their Time

You may find yourself mentioning cartoons, songs and even bands that they have only vaguely heard of.  I personally realized this while I was 8 and watching Full House he was 4 and playing with Pokemon.  Even though at first the time warp does shock you a little, use this as an opportunity to maybe teach him a thing or two about your childhood.  Watch re-runs of your favorite TV shows together or even rent a movie that brings back memories of high school.  But this goes both ways.  Remember to keep an open mind to their music, movies and shows as well.

If There’s a Beavis, There’s a Butthead

You must realize that even if your partner is mature and sophisticated, his or her friends just might not be.  Keggers and partying until the wee hours of the morning are major possibilities.  I would suggest just going with the flow and living a little.  Accept your partner’s friends, because at the end of the day, you knew this was part of the territory when dating the hot younger guy or guy from the gym!

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Commitment, marriage and children have scared more than a few people, no matter what their age, but when you feel your biological clock ticking and they doesn’t, that may cause a rift in the relationship.  If children are extremely important, I recommend bringing it up, but definitely not in the first few months.  Take the time to get to know each other and then summon up the courage and ask.

So where does this leave you?

At the end of the day, love is love and if you are one of the lucky ones that gets to find it, then I don’t think anything should stop you.  A few years will not make a difference when you’re old and turn over in bed one morning to see your partner’s face.  Granted it may have slightly less wrinkles, but they’ll still have the heart that you fell in love with.

Have you ever dated a younger person? What are your thoughts on the topic? Write in to Gossip Guy at gossipguy@bell.net or leave a comment in the comment box below to share your thoughts.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me, -xoxo

Manthropology: Sex With A Gym Natzi

What’s making his bulge so big: Packet of protein powder.

What’s in his gym bag: MP3 player, at least nine phone numbers of guys he’s met at the gym, extra set of workout clothes, self-tanner, razor for body-shave touch-ups, velcro weight belt, GNC Gold Card, empty water bottles, PowerBars, creatine, 2-in-1 shampoo and body wash.

What’s on his coffee table: Men’s Health Magazine, Flex, GQ, International Male catalog, low-carb snacks.

What’s under his coffee table: Two twenty-five pound dumbbells, grip flexors, two pairs of dirty socks (which double as cum rags for autoerotic sofa sessions)

What’s in his fridge: Five-pound pack of chicken breasts, rice, skim milk, light beer and pre-portioned meals.

What’s in his wallet: Seven dollers, business card of a “photographer” he met at the gym who asked him for pose for a calendar, membership card to after-hours dance club, more phone numbers of guys he met at the gym, key card for parking garage of a law firm he works as an assistant for.

What’s under his bed: More Men’s Health Magazine, old work-out posters, the shirt he plans to fill out completely before wearing it dancing.

Family tree: Shy guy, pouty pouf and silent stud

The Gym Natzi (GN) spends just about all of his spare time sculpting his ever-more-fabulous body, so it goes without saying that the place to meet one is at the gym, or at the nearby protein shake bar. The pickup may be a little tough, since it will be hard to get him to take his eyes off of himself long enough to notice you. And whenever you think you’re having a mirror scope, you can bet your bottom doller he’s not looking at you. He’s just checking out his traps from a different angle.

The only way to get time is to ask him for some assistance with an excercise or a machine you undoubtly already know how to use. You can also try asking if he’ll spot for you, or if you can share his set. But you’d better be buff enough to warrant his attention; otherwise he’ll just lumber on past. If you really want to lay it on thick, try opening with a compliment on some well-developed but little-known muscle he’s cultivated:
You: “Hey, you’ve got awesome anterior lattisimus rear deltoids man. How do you target those?”
GN: “Um with dumbbells.”
You can see where this is headed. The average GN is not known for his conversational skills, although if you stick with excercise talk, you’ve got a good shot for at least five more sentances from him. Don’t be offended if he constantly turns away from you to look at himself in the mirror while you are speaking. That’s just what GN’s do. If you’re looking for action right then and there, invite him for a postworkout protein shake, then cut to the chase.

You’ve maneuvered him back to your place, you’ve offered him a PowerBar, and it’s time to get down to action. Since the GN is used to being worshipped from afar, you’re going to have to make the first move. I recommend opening with a little postworkout massage action. He takes the bait, and you’re off. The thing about Gym Natzi sex is that it’s really about the visuals; sort of like watching a porno, just a little more up close and personal, and you happen to be starring in it. Knowing this, your best bet is to go for a quick linear progression: some manual action, then a little oral expertise, and finish with deep sea diving. Remember to keep your eyes on him the whole time since thats the reason you dragged him back to your place in the first place. And since you’ll be running into him at the gym again, be polite and at least ask for his phone number, even though you know damn well that you’ll never call. Then send him and his oversize gym bag packing.

Hot, sweaty sex potential: Unless he really gets into it the GN will most likely just enjoy the attention his body got for him.

 

Getting some real estate out of the deal potential: Zero (0). No need for an explanation on this point.

Long-term relationship potential: (That is, if you are in-shape and if you consider showing him off to your friends for a few months long-term. Never forget, gain an ounce of fat and he’ll be yesterday’s news as well)

 

Good stories to tell your friends over brunch potential: (It’s more about the notch on your weight belt than the actual sex)

 

Possible bonus points: Scamming some free personal training sessions out of him; your friends will be green with envy.

Have you ever hooked up with a guy from the gym? Write in to Gossip Guy at gossipguy@bell.net to share your story.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo