Dating Boot Camp: Tip #1: Cosmic Loneliness

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life.

Tip #1: Cosmic Loneliness
A Man Won’t Cure The Loneliness

In Their Eyes Were Watching God, author Zora Neale Hurston asks, “Did marriage end the cosmic loneliness of the unmated?”

The quick answer is no. As is the theme of Hurston’s classic, any one person’s wholeness is affected by, but not fulfilled through, a relationship. Many of us are of the notion that finding a relationship will complete us. However, despite what our math teacher taught, a half plus a half doesn’t always equal a whole. It takes two complete people to produce the sum of a healthy partnership (or each person needs to be as complete as possible).

They say you must first love yourself before you can be loved or love another. Part of loving yourself is being able to tolerate and enjoy spending time with yourself. Entering into a relationship as a remedy for loneliness or any other need puts undo pressure on your partner and your relationship when it’s you that must actively work to resolve your needs. The relationship may solve your immediate wants, but the issues surrounding your longings will only resurface until you resolve them.

Should we all be content living alone? Of course not. Companionship is a wonderful addition to our lives. We’re human after all. The ideal situation, however, is to allow companionship to compliment our lives and not become a substitute for what’s missing. A partner won’t cure the loneliness.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

When First Dates Go Wrong

There inevitably comes a moment during every difficult first date when you pause and think, “I am an utter moron for having ever agreed to this.” But before you resign to the idea of a life of La-Z-Boy armchairs and reruns of The Office, take a moment to try to reconcile the situation. (And no, that doesn’t mean having you best friend call with a beckoning “emergency.”) Here are a few simple ideas for managing those awkward first date moments.

The Silence

Don’t check your Blackberry. Don’t stare at your shoes, their shoes, talk about the décor, panic, vomit. There are ways to break the silence without resorting to the awful, “Boy, isn’t this awkward!” Your best bet is to come prepared. Google your date. While you may feel a little stalker-ish in the moment, you’ll be thanking Twitter later when you can break the ice with an anecdote about your latest dog-walking misadventure (having landed upon his Twitpic of his furry friend just before the date). Come up with a list of things to say when the quiet strikes. Ask about their family, job, travels. You’ll be much more confident if you come prepared.

The Realization

It’ll never work. Sometimes this realization comes within the first five minutes (God help you), and sometimes it’s well into the date. But just because you and your politically-agitated, still-lives-with-mother dinner partner won’t be walking down the aisle anytime soon, it doesn’t mean you can just get up and bail. Here’s one way to grapple through this date going nowhere: think of a single friend who would be perfect for your date, and let the interviewing begin. It’ll become clear to your date that you two won’t jive, but it will keep the conversation going at the very least. And hey, maybe someone will get a match after all.

The Bill

Don’t let it sit there like a patent leather-cased elephant in the room. Make your move, and do it fast. Reach for your purse or wallet just after the check lands on the table. Even if you have no intention of paying, it’s good dating etiquette to offer to split the bill. Don’t argue if they say they’ll pay. The less time spent talking about the check, the better.  

The Goodbye

There’s nothing worse than the awkward handshake-turned-hug. They’re not your bro; there’s no reason for that. Decide what you’re comfortable with beforehand. If you know what you want, beat them to the punch. Go for a quick peck and goodbye, if that’s what you’re after. Prefer to follow their lead? Leave an opening. A second or two of premeditated (on your part, at least) silence and they’ll move to action. Be completely passive, and goodbye will go a lot faster.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

More Controversy; Gay Students vs. Gossip Guy Now?

***Disclaimer: Names have been blurred for the protection of people’s identities not involved in the actual article. First name use may be appropriate in other circumstances***

*Spoiler alert; this is a continuing debate from my original post “E vs. M or Politcal something or other vs. mmmm god this is getting old now”.

Alright, now normally I don’t go around making everything so personal; but it’s a special treat when someone gives me the most AMAZING compliment and I believe testimonials are a tribute to the exceptional work of others. Thanks D, for your kind words and encouragement to let me know things might get better through my work.

I love bitchy gay men for what they’re good for, thanks D 😉

//The ALL POWERFUL Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

UPDATE:

PS: Thank you Lethbridge for making the posts regarding “E vs. M” my most visted pages EVER!

10 Important Dating Tips: Advice for Singles

If you want to connect, make yourself available.

Dear Gossip Guy,

I broke up with my partner about 2 years ago (it was a good split, we’re still friends) and have been enjoying single life ever since not wanting to stumble back into relationship territory again so swiftly as even though we mutually agreed a break was for the best, it still hurt.

However, over time I have been rebuilding my confidence and feel I’m ready to get back into the dating game; do you have any advice for someone getting back into the scene to meet someone?

Dear Blissfully Clueless,

Whether you are new to the dating scene, are reentering the dating scene, or are a serial dater, you can use dating tips and advice. No one is a dating expert – even the most beautiful and wealthy people all struggle with matters of the heart. Everyone can learn something about how to date more, how to attract the types of people we want to attract, and how to make sure initial chemistry blooms into an enduring relationship.

The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no fail-proof tricks, no cunning ways of trapping Mr. or Miss Right. There are however some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that — tips, not one-size-fits-all guarantees. Different tacks will work for different people. It depends on the situation, who we are, where we are in our lives, etc. However, there are some threads of advice that are fairly universal and can benefit anyone who practices them:

Top 10 Dating Tips

  1. Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, be ready to commit to dating. Half-heartedness won’t work. In fact, it won’t even get you half-way. If you really want to date, put some effort into it. Do some research and think about what you want out of dating. Prepare yourself for the inevitable rejection we all face at some point in dating and commit not to give up.
  2. Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself, and others can sense that.
  3. Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, but amplify and accentuate your positives. Throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. Your date will appreciate that you demonstrated some effort.
  4. Think about what you want to gain from dating and what timeframes you expect. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do, then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don’t take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.
  5. Surround yourself with people who will support your dating aims. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Don’t sabotage this by sitting around with friends who are negative about love and relationships (often the married ones). Start attending social functions frequented by singles. Sitting alongside couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.
  6. Choose those you have a good chance of dating. Be realistic. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous, great! Just know that others will expect you to be the same.
  7. Join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups — anything that might help you meet like-minded potential partners. You will not meet people by staying indoors and playing video games – many have tried and failed at this approach.
  8. Take time off from dating occasionally if it’s not going well or causing dating fatigue. Recharging your batteries and keeping confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. We all hit rough patches, but don’t let your search for love become a death march. Date in phases if necessary.
  9. Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not play a bigger part in your life down the road. The fact is, most people have something interesting to offer. While you may not be out on the dating scene looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
  10. Never make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. As part of keeping up the mystery, do not sleep with your dates early on. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. (And yes, this goes for both men AND women!) If the chemistry peaks too early, your emotions may never have time to catch up and the relationship will eventually wither away. 

You may also find these links on my blog useful in your situation:

Top 8 Tips for Making An Awesome First Impression
The Boyfriend Evaluation: Getting to Know Him
Should We Have Sex Yet? Negotiating Your First Time With Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful…

Have any interesting dating tips? Share them here or send them to Gossip at gossipguy@bell.net.

//Gossip Guy. You know you love me -xoxo