Gossip Guy: Your Southern Alberta LGBTQ Resource

Welcome to Gossip Guy! Your online resource for anything you want to talk about, but should expect the awful truth as a response. The purpose of this blog is to offer advice to anonymous individuals and provide a valuable (if not sometimes comical) resource to the LGBTQ community. Specific questions will always get responses while the general informational library and advice columns will continue to expand. You can send me your questions, comments, scenarios and just about everything else that you would like answers back on while maintaining total aninimity. It’s a policy of this blogger never to reveal a person’s true identity when asking for advice therefore you can ask for advice on anything without fear of disclosure (This does not include the “Latest Gossip” page as it is current events within our community).

Check out the latest section additions to this blog; the “Manthropology Guide,” where a comical review of the different types of gay men will be published, and what sex with them might be like, as well as “Information Insemination,” you guide to complete healthy living.

Remember, this is a resource for the LGBTQ community in Southern Alberta; if you think this informational site is missing something please send me an email to request subject matter. I’m more then happy to make Gossip Guy a complete resource.

So don’t be shy, send your questions (and everything else juicy) to gossipguy@bell.net and I’ll make sure you get a prompt response back.

And who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell!

Gossip Guy. You know you love me -xoxo

***Gossip Guy’s opinions do not reflect the views of any other person, organization or affiliation.

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Dating Boot Camp: Tip #4: The 3rd Law of Attraction

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last 

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life

Tip #4: The 3rd Law of Attraction

Newton’s Third Law of Motion dictates that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Some schools of thought hold the same notion in relation to our attractions. We get, they say, exactly what we put out there. In other words, the type of energy or vibe we project is exactly what we get in return.

Our projected vibe isn’t always obvious–to our eye, anyway. We may think we have an in-it-to-win-it attitude, only to live the same man-on-man nightmares over and over again. Or despite our irresistible charm, looks or wit, men resist us like the opposite end of a magnet. The energy we project is invisible to us, but men seem to pick it up like a natural force. They can tell if we are insecure despite our best efforts in hiding it. They can see the desperation in our eyes with the power of a powerful g-ray vision. They can also see our happiness and confidence gleaming from a bar away. Ever notice how when you’re feeling hot, others seem to make eye contact?

Take comfort, the laws of attraction work both ways. Remember the opposite reaction part? I’m sure you recall that one guy that was a complete turn-off for no particular reason (or at least no reason you can consciously identify)? At first glance, he seemed datable, but later you discovered that the vibe just wasn’t there. Compatibility plays a large role in connections; the energy we project is a major part of compatibility.

Most of us fail to realize, however, that each of us has complete control over the forces surrounding our attractions. We have the power to change others’ reactions towards us by using Newton’s Third Law and changing our own actions. As a degreed techie, I know that understanding Newton’s law is much easier than putting it into practice. The good news is that it’s not impossible. A change in our attitude and approach can change what we get back in return.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Opinions Of Matter: An Official Letter to GALA/LA

I have historically and recently had the misfortune of being accosted by the gay advocacy groups within Lethbridge; usually not ending so well. It would seem that some come back for more for reasons that are not entirely crystal clear to me. 

I recently received an invitation from the GALA/LA Board of Directors delivered by their President, Mickey Wilson (whom I am not on good terms with, historically or currently) to attend their next board meeting to discuss some issues/concerns I have made public commentary of within this personal blog (you know what they are)

I am entirely unsure of what that is supposed to mean outside of “We want you to come address these concerns with us”. I would venture to think that it would be a meeting to actually address these issues, but also to request that I essentially keep my mouth and my opinions to myself. 

What I find particularly interesting is that the majority of any real commentary on my blog has been criticism, and or feedback that should be treated as such. They could use the information to better their events and themselves instead of attempting damage control; drawing even more attention to the failure. 

What’s interesting to note is that the invitation came the day before the meeting I was invited to attend. If they really wanted me there regardless of the reasons the President had to not send me an invitation the 30 days following their last meeting; they would have made it a priority. I have since issued an official statement outlining my personal concerns since I will be out of town the date of their next meeting on February 7, 2011 and also because of my history with the current President.

To read the official statement, click the link: Letter to GALA – Letter of Concerns

Although I have a large following on my blog I respectfully need to point out that it is a personal blog. My subject matter has been identified as: “Your online resource for anything you want to talk about, but should expect the awful truth as a response”. The purpose of the blog is to provide a valuable (if not sometimes comical) resource to the LGBTQ community. More than 95% of the content is geared towards this subject matter and if I choose to comment on local events I can. I refuse to stay my personal opinions within my personal body of work.

Has anyone checked the official definition of a personal blog lately?

*per·son·al: [pur-suh-nl]

–adjective

of, pertaining to, or coming as from a particular person; individual; private: a personal opinion.

*blog: [blog]

–adjective

informal Full name: weblog  a journal written on-line and accessible to users of the internet

So just so we’re clear, a personal blog is a personal opinion on a written subject matter. Get it? Got it. Good!

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

*Definations sourced from dictionary.com.

Tranifesto: 10 Things Not To Say to a Trans Person

Many trans people speak and train in a variety of venues, and they do so because it is important to them to educate non-trans people about who they are. They get a lot of comments and a lot of questions in those settings, and unless they have specified that a particular topic is off-limits, they expect and are happy to answer any and all questions that come their way. In that situation, as the old cliché goes, there are no stupid questions.

But there is a big difference between a training or educational setting and a social or workplace environment. When transgender speak or train, they make the choice to answer questions, respond to comments, and so on. When they’re eating fast food, shopping at the mall, or just meeting someone for the first time in a social setting, they’re sometimes caught off guard.

So I present “Ten Things Not To Say to a Trans Person” as a cautionary reminder to us non-trans folks outside of a formal educational or training setting.

1. “Have you had ‘the operation’”? (Equally offensive: “Have you had ‘the surgery?’” or “Are you pre-op or post-op?” or “Are you done?”)

There is no one “operation.” Trans people have many surgeries or no surgeries. They know what you’re talking about, but like to pretend that they don’t just to annoy you. Like you, they consider their private parts private. “You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine”.

But transition is not all about genitalia – in fact, the social aspects of transition can be far more complicated, complex, and compelling. To ask about surgery is to disregard every other aspect of a person as a human being – not to mention the fact that you would not likely ask anyone else you know about his or her genitalia outside of the bedroom or while cruising on that pick-up website.

Unless you’re asking them to sleep with you, what’s underneath their clothes should not be of concern. And if you are asking them to sleep with you, then they’d probably like to see what’s underneath your clothes before they make a final decision.

2. “Which bathroom do you use?”

Transgender use the bathroom that matches the gender that they are presenting. They use the bathroom that is right for them, just like you use the bathroom that is right for you. And they use the bathroom for the same reason that you do. They have no interest in seeing or hearing anything that you are doing in there, and would prefer that you not take an undue interest in them. They just want to get in, take care of business, and get out. If you have seen most public restrooms, you will understand why.

3. “If you combed your hair a certain way, walked a certain way, did ______ (fill in the blank) a certain way, you would be more masculine/feminine.”

You will most likely come across a response or variation of “Thanks for the tip. Now, as for what’s wrong with you …”

4. “When did you decide to become transgender/transsexual?”

Transgender people don’t “decide” to “become” any way. Much like you and I, they were born that way. “When did you “decide” what gender you were – or did you just know?” They may have made a “decision” to transition, but most trans people will tell you that transition is not a choice – it is a medical necessity, and any “decision” that was made was simply the decision to continue to live, which necessitated transition.

5. “You pass really well.”

While some trans people may take this as a compliment, especially in the early stages of transition, “passing” implies that a person is not what he or she seems to be – that the person is “passing” for something else. Unless you’re a driving instructor, if you want to give a compliment, just say, “You look nice today” or “That color looks good on you” or whatever you would say to anyone else.

6. “I thought you’d be a monster – but you’re just a normal person!”

Again, some people might just take a comment like that in stride, others might respond with “Catch me during the next full moon”.

7. “How do you have sex?”

Buy them dinner and they’ll show you.

Seriously, there are many ways to have sex, and trans people have sex just like everyone else. Sex is not just the missionary position, although trans people have sex this way as well. But if you’re strictly the “tab A into slot B” type of person, you might be missing out on some things yourself.

8. “I can still see the woman (or the man) in you.”

“Darn, did I forget to zip up my pants again?”

But seriously, most trans people would prefer not to be reminded of their previous incarnation, if you will. While those who say this generally mean no harm and are just being sentimental about a “person” they miss from their past, those who have transitioned usually don’t share the same sentimentality about their pre-transition self, so no matter what you see, it’s best to keep it to yourself.

9. “Are you afraid that people will hate you or want to hurt you?”

As with most things that are different and misunderstood; most likely. We’ve all had someone say or do something hateful, but we try not to think about it unless someone brings it up.

10. “What does being a man (or a woman) mean to you?”

It means not being asked that kind of question, because you would never ask a non-trans man (or a non-trans woman) the same question.

Shared by Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

By “special” request by a Trans friend I am including a link back to the original blog I shared this article from: The Tranifesto. I am actually suprised how childishly he reacted over me sharing something on my personal blog even though I signed the post “Shared By…” instead of using my normal signature. I thought putting the name of the blog in the title of my post was sufficent enough; who knew?

Manthropology: Sex With A Couple

What’s making their bulges so big: The desire to get off with someone else other than each other. 

What’s on their coffee table: Decorative items, coasters.

What’s under their coffee table: Board games for social mixers with other couples, porn (videos and magazines).

What’s in their wallets: Businss cards, charge cards, pictures of each other and their pets, condoms for random consented hook-ups with other guys.

What’s under their bed: More porn, sex toys used on the last guy they had over, extra set of sheets and guest linens.

Family tree: “We’re exploring”

With all of these “open relationships” around, this seems to be happening a lot more than I thought, so I figured I’d better include it in the Manthropology Guide. Other then at a club night, your best chance of hooking up with a hot and horny couple is at a regular cocktail party. Get yourself invited to one that is being hosted by a couple, and you can be sure the place will be crawling with other couples. As the liquor consumption increases, so do your odds of ending up in a three-way. Work the room and you might be lucky enough to score.

They’ll want to take you to their place which is likely to have an enormous bed anyway, so you might as well enjoy it. Once you’re inside, the clothes will come off pretty quickly since everyone present already knows it’s just about the sex. Rule number one: you are going to be more attracted to one of the guys than the other, but you can’t play favorites. If you don’t think you can do this, then keep your eyes closed. That way, you won’t know whose mouth is massaging Mr. Happy, and better yet; you won’t care. Chances are they will treat you like visiting royalty so be prepared for lots of manual, oral, and anal action; often, all at the same time. After a while you won’t know who’s doing what to whom and they’ll be so many condoms on the floor afterward walking to the bathroom will be like walking your way through a mine field.

Sex with a couple will test your versatility title as you know they’ll either a top and bottom or both versatile and will both want to play with you. You not only want to tantalize them with your technique and dazzle them with your diligence, you also want to let them know that you and Little Elvis are up for just about anything they can serve.

Post sex, there is usually no need for you to do anything since they will assume their hosting duties. There will be two of them to handle the warm, wet towel action, condom disposal and some more water for you to rehydrate. I generally don’t recommend a sleepover with couples since you never know what kind of drama might break out in the morning. But if they ask you to stay, and you think you want to, don’t just flop down in the middle; let them decide who goes where and don’t be surprised when you wake up with two boners poking around your booty.

Hot, sweaty sex potential: (More bodies, more heat, more sweat.)

Getting some real estate out of the deal potential: (Very low, but you may snag an invitation to their vacation house for a repeater)

Long-term relationship potential: (A LTR with a couple is something completely different; it’s usually known by the more pedestrian term “House Boy”)

Good stories to tell your friends over brunch potential: (If they’re not copping an attitude, they’ll be pitching tents under the table)

Possible bonus points: Picking up decorating tips from the couple, and knowing you could finally write your own piece for a porno magazine.

Dating Boot Camp: Tip #3: Find New Love By Closing Old Wounds

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last 

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life

Tip #3: Find New Love By Closing Old Wounds.
Reaching the Golden Age of Dating

Many years ago, a friend  relished in his ability to cite the most fabulous of historical monarchs, Elizabeth I. It’s said that the young queen harbored in the Golden Age of British prosperity. Even so, she lost her personal war on love.

“I am married to England,” Elizabeth declared in herring defiance to the miscreant Sir Robert Dudley. She risked her crown for her adorer. He, in return, broke her heart by plotting against her life. She kept him alive despite his treason as a constant reminder of how close she came to danger—declaring her independence from the like of any man. Her primary concern became matters she could control, not unpredictable men.

Modern day love isn’t quite as melodramatic, but my friend had experienced his fare share of no good Dudley’s. His dates always started out with excitement and ended in complete anarchy. Some mini-relationships lasted a few hours, other weeks until they suddenly ended with him left alone in a tower of loneliness and regret. He began dating with extreme caution, assuming that every man would inevitably break his heart.

It’s understandable: Why would he surrender to the monstrous dating scene? He’d been hurt so many times. The crown of his heart proved to be much more fragile than one of a kingdom. Instead of harboring in a new age of love, he wallowed in his lost opportunities.

There needed to be a change if he was ever to break the cycle. In order to make room for better love, he had to free his crowded perceptions.

Far too many of us take the bitter queen approach to love. You see, the mistake Elizabeth made was keeping Lord Robert alive. We too keep our old failures alive in the form of resentment, anger, bitterness and mistrust. And holding on to past failures leaves little room for future possibilities. Our crown jewels don’t always have to be protected in order for us to be fully appreciated by other people. Each opportunity must be approached with a clean bully of possibilities.

Sour subjects exist in every realm of dating potentials. And most of us, at some point or another, have fallen victim to their folly. But better, more affirmative people await our approach. Only by sending old wounds to the gallows can we harbor in a new, more prosperous golden age of dating.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Dating Boot Camp: Tip #2: Dating Efficiency

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last
 

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life

Tip #2: Dating Efficiency
Use Your Dating Time Wisely
 

As resources become more limited, our lives are becoming more efficient. We thirst for more conscious everything: cars, appliances, materials, and our personal and professional time. Industries and individuals can no longer afford waste of any kind.

Still, despite the limitation of resources, our needs and desires change little (if at all). In relation to romance, the need for companionship remains constant yet the availability of the personal time and energy available for dating dries up faster than an SUV gallon. We’re working longer hours, planning bigger, and wading just above the surface of a crude environment. So, where do we find the time to look for a date?

In times of limited resources, we must manage dating the same as other areas of our lives. The anticipation of finding a partner and the excitement of a potential match is great, but it can become an obsession when we spend countless hours refreshing our inbox, hoping for a new message.

Instead, use your time more wisely with a proactive approach. Set time limits for yourself and be direct about your interests and disinterest. Try not to view your search as a stressor, but an experience that will eventually produce a return on your investment. A better-managed dating approach will optimize your resources and balance your life, making you a better catch in the long run.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

Dating Boot Camp: Tip #1: Cosmic Loneliness

Get a Date, Seal The Deal and Make Your Love Last

Being gay in the dating world can leave you in the trenches. Take back your dating life with the Dating Boot Camp filled with the tips and tools you need to get a date, seal the deal and make your relationship last. I will post a total of 10 new tips to help you on your way to a better dating life.

Tip #1: Cosmic Loneliness
A Man Won’t Cure The Loneliness

In Their Eyes Were Watching God, author Zora Neale Hurston asks, “Did marriage end the cosmic loneliness of the unmated?”

The quick answer is no. As is the theme of Hurston’s classic, any one person’s wholeness is affected by, but not fulfilled through, a relationship. Many of us are of the notion that finding a relationship will complete us. However, despite what our math teacher taught, a half plus a half doesn’t always equal a whole. It takes two complete people to produce the sum of a healthy partnership (or each person needs to be as complete as possible).

They say you must first love yourself before you can be loved or love another. Part of loving yourself is being able to tolerate and enjoy spending time with yourself. Entering into a relationship as a remedy for loneliness or any other need puts undo pressure on your partner and your relationship when it’s you that must actively work to resolve your needs. The relationship may solve your immediate wants, but the issues surrounding your longings will only resurface until you resolve them.

Should we all be content living alone? Of course not. Companionship is a wonderful addition to our lives. We’re human after all. The ideal situation, however, is to allow companionship to compliment our lives and not become a substitute for what’s missing. A partner won’t cure the loneliness.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo